In the outskirts of Monrovia, a dynamic church began its preparation for the annual Mother of the Year Program.  As the wonderful event was fast approaching, Konwloh, a member of the planning committee, anxiously thought about ways to make the program spectacular.  She wanted this year’s Mother’s Day to be very special because her stepmother had been selected as the Mother of the Year. Because of that, she made a special request to the program director to allow her make a special presentation.  She wanted to let everybody know that her stepmother deserves the title because she is a wonderful and rare type of stepmother. 

For some people, the mere thought of having a “Stepmother” as a mother of the year is a taboo. Stepmothers are supposed to be evil but this was not the case with Konwloh. Her stepmother was rare.  Many people did not know that she was a stepchild because she lived in constant harmony with her brothers and sisters. Her stepmother was a virtuous and tolerant woman who undeservingly took a lot of blows and yet was never knocked out.   At the time, Konwloh couldn’t understand why her stepmother’s character remained positive even though her home was torn apart by her father’s dysfunctional behavior—numerous adulterous affairs, drinking and partying.  

Konwloh is now a married woman, a mother and a stepmother.  Presently, her life is somewhat a replica of her stepmother’s. She can now walk in her stepmother’s shoes and experience first hand what her stepmother endured. She can now understand why her stepmother handled issues the way she did—why her stepmother had to put her foot down on certain issues and why she had allowed some issues to slide.    Why she denied herself so much.  Why she did not run and abandon her husband and children when agonizing circumstances prompted her to. Why her stepmother had to be strong, single minded and determined.

Now personally acquiring her stepmother’s experience, Konwloh appreciates her mother even more.  She realizes that her stepmother did not have to endure all of the hell her father put her through.  She could have left and found another husband but she didn’t.  In fact, there was no guarantee that she wouldn’t meet another “wolf in sheep’s clothing” guy like her husband.  Why waste her love and time on another jerk when she could shower her children with all her love and undivided attention?  Her policy was, “Children always come first” and she held on to that policy.  In the midst of anguish, she chose to deny herself all in the best interest of her children.  She always said that she was raised right and it was her duty to raise her children in the same fashion regardless of negative and challenging circumstances. 

I believe strongly that my stepmother got her strength from the Lord.  She was always prayerful and sought God on every issue. She was kind, tenderhearted and forgiving.  She exhibited all of the fruits of the Holy Spirit, love, joy, peace, longsuffering, etc.   My stepmother never could have done all of this in her own strength.  It was by the power of the Holy Spirit. 

THE PRESENTATION 

Mother’s Day finally arrived.  It was a beautiful sunny day and everyone showed up—invited guests, relatives, friends and members.  Konwloh was all dressed up in a beautiful Lappa suit.  When it was time for her presentation, she walked up to the podium and began:  Welcome! Happy Mother’s Day to all! We thank all of you for coming.  I am Konwloh Nagbe.   This year we are honoring a very special mother, stepmother, and grandmother as Mother of the Year.  She is none other than, Wissehdee Esther Nagbe. Wissehdee is my Stepmother.  She is a very rare type of stepmother.  I went to live with my father and her at the age of six. The marvel about my stepmother’s character is that she took me in while my father and my biological mother were still having an affair.  Their demonstrated selfishness and immorality did not deter my stepmother from taking me in and loving me as her own.  She was always there for me.  She never ceased to be a mother to me even though my biological mother tried so hard to destroy her home.   

My stepmother had such a rare capacity to endure all of the ills that bombarded her home from time to time.  She also had the ability to balance everything.  If her grief outweighed her tranquility, no one could tell. She was always pleasant. Some days, when my father’s infidelity was very overwhelming for her, she still kept her poise.  In spite of everything, she tolerated my presence—even though she knew that my father was probably spending the night at my biological mother’s house (which he had built for her).  She never one day took it out on me. 

Unconditional love was what my stepmother showed me. She remained a mother to me at all times.   When I went the wrong way, she corrected me. When I was sick, she stayed up all night with me; trying so hard to bring my fever down. When I hurt, she comforted me, dried my tears and assured me that everything would be alright. When she gave her children presents, she included me. When I had a problem with a teacher or was failing a subject, it was my stepmother who went to the school to try and resolve issues. It was my stepmother who chased away foolish and frisky boys from the house—reminding me that they were only after one thing. It was my stepmother who was by my side when I was in labor with my first child.  She was always there for me; through think and thin. 

Above all, my stepmother was there when I accepted Christ as my personal Lord and savior.  She saw to it that I maintained my relationship with Christ.  It was always my stepmother who was there for me. It was difficult to tell that I was not her biological child; worst of all, a child of her persistent enemy, my biological mother.  

Approaching her stepmother with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and trying to hold back her tears, Konwloh said, “Ma, let me give you your flowers while you are still alive and can smell and feel them.  Let me sing your praises while you can still see and hear me. You are my mentor, confidant and role model. You have been a true source of inspiration, comfort and strength. You taught me to fear God and take everything to him in prayer.  You taught me to be still when everything else was shaking around me. You taught me how to love and forgive when it seemed impossible.  You were an example because you practiced what you preached.  You taught me how to fight and refuse to compromise when it was necessary.  You taught me how to never give up and keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel.  

I am where I am and who I am today because of your love, discipline and the example you established as a mother. Today, I am a good mother, a good wife, a good cook, a good housekeeper, a good friend, a good neighbor, a good co-worker and above all, a good Christian all because of you. Thank you ma! Thank God for you!  I will never forget what you have done for me. 

THE STEPMOTHER’S RESPONSE 

Konwloh’s stepmother, the Mother of the Year, beautifully dressed in an embroidered African Gown, got up to say a few words.  She slowly walked up to the front of the Church and said, “First of all, all praise and glory be to the almighty God.  If it had not been for his grace and mercy, I would not have come this far.  Thanks to all of you for selecting me as the mother of the year.  I am honored.  

Gazing at the congregation with a smile on her face, she continued; A promising future is contingent upon how well children are raised.  Therefore, bringing up children is the greatest responsibility in life. No one was born a good mother.  Good qualities are acquired. You must remember that Rome was not built in a day.  You have to work on it. Child rearing is a gradual process and requires a lot of patience and sacrifice. There is no such thing as “drive by” parenting. Genuine parenting means getting into the ring to box and not standing by the sidelines to give instructions.  

In order to be successful, you have to first of all, put God first, the children second and yourself last.  Pray about everything; especially for wisdom and guidance. Never condemn and give up on a Child.  Never compare one child to another because God has a plan for everyone (and you don’t know what that plan is). Just keep lifting your children up equally in prayers. 

On the issue of hanging in there and keeping the family together, as the old adage goes, “When two elephants fight, the grass suffers.  In this case, the grass represents the children. They in no way contributed to the problems of the parents; so why should they suffer?  I refused to fight unnecessarily or to carry out the Law of Moses, “an eye for an eye”. Instead I let your father fight all by himself and focused on all of you—making sure you all had a promising future.  Yes I am human, and yes, I was tempted to fight back but then I would have been victimized twice. I would have lost my home and most importantly, I would have failed all of you as a mother.  Separation affects children one way or the other.   

There’s an adage, “an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind”. This is so true.  If I had adopted the “eye for an eye” policy, then there would have been no winners because everyone would have gone blind—we all would have been victims. You take my eye and I, in return, take yours? Nonsense!  If everyone went blind, then who would lead?  Blind leading the blind?!!  I see disaster!  

I took a lot of nonsense, or as the Kru man calls it, “tabahta”; but that’s ok, what does not kill you makes you strong.  I know you modern parents don’t see things the way we do.  The times have changed and the days are more evil.  The demons we dealt with when we were growing up and conquered are quite different from the demons you are faced with today. These “modern” or “End Time Demons”, realizing that they and Satan do not have much time, are much more aggressive. That is why the children should be well protected and their welfare always a priority.    

You must consider what God’s will is for you and your family.  It is never God’s will to separate families.  When the head of the home’s behavior is dysfunctional, you have to take control and lead the flock.  Even though you have been knocked down and wounded by circumstances, you must pick yourself up, focus and function as the head of the family for the children’s sake.  Never succumb to negative circumstances. 

On the other hand I want to caution you. As I mentioned previously, that you have end time demons to contend with, that’s not all. You also have end time diseases too. During our time, there was no such thing as AIDS.  We had curable diseases.  We could risk having our husbands run around but AIDS is deadly. It is no joke!  If your husband wants to run around, I wouldn’t advise you to hold on to him.  This is a life and death matter and it is serious.  You have the children to consider.  So, in this case, I would tell you to run, run my child; grab your children and run for your life.  As we Liberians say, “That plawor”? He is not going to kill two birds with one stone or should I say three birds with one stone.  He destroys himself with AIDS and eventually destroys you.  In addition, destroys the children’s future because with both of you gone their future is in jeopardy.

All in all, think about your children and their future.  Again, I admit that I took a lot of nonsense.  People thought that I was stupid or desperate when I decided to hold on to an unpleasant marriage that had been on the rocks from day one. I refused to listen to unprofitable criticism.  The bibles says, Psalm 1: 1:  “Blessed is the man that walketh not in counsel of the ungodly.”  I am blessed today because I refused ungodly counseling and focused on the welfare of the children.  Psalm 1:3, “and he shall be like a tree planted by the water that bringeth forth his fruit in his season.”  Now judge the results; I have brought forth fruits in my season.  All of the children I raised turned out good. There is no criminal in their midst.  Every good or lucrative profession you can think about belongs to my children.  Even it they had the lowest paying jobs; I would still be content, as long as I did not raise any criminals. 

Now was all the hell I endured worth it?  Of course! It was well worth it!  Look at me now; I lack nothing.  I’m traveling around the world from one child to the other— Christmas in the U.S.; Easter in Paris, My birthday, in South Africa and so on.  My children are fighting over me now. This is not bragging but a genuine testimony of the faithfulness of God.  I am now enjoying the fruits of my labor.  I don’t remember the sufferings of my past at all.   

Remember, it takes a lot of rain to see the rainbow. Weeping may endure for the night but joy cometh in the morning.  I am now reaping with contentment what I sowed.  I can go to my grave knowing that my sacrifice was not in vain.  I would like to leave you with a song that the late Mahalia Jackson sang:  

If I can help somebody
As I travel along
If I can help somebody
With a word or song
If I can help somebody
From doing wrong
My living shall not be in vain.

My living shall not be in vain
My living shall not be in vain
If I can help somebody
While I'm singing this song
My living shall not be in vain.

 

…And my living has definitely not been in vain.  Be a good mother despite the ills of life. The Lord is your strength.  Endure to the end! Pray for wisdom.  Never compromise your values. Don’t succumb to pressure.  Above all, put God first in all that you do and your living will certainly not be in vain.

 HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

Arway Sayeh-Swepson - 2008